Hey all,

Just a note to say that I've decided to upload some photos with a view to selling them as prints. I'm only an amateur photographer so my camera probably isn't the best quality for large prints, but smaller ones would probably be ok.

Anyways, any photos already on here and any more I upload will hopefully all be available as prints (unless otherwise stated in the comments), but before I submit them as prints I'd appreciate it if I coul get some feedback on them. A comment on the photo(s) will be sufficient.

Thanks!

I found this in my documents; something I wrote on July 13th this year when I didn't have internet access. I was feeling really down...

"How did I get here?

Do we ever really know how we get to where we are in life? “I know all the wrong turns, the stumbles and falls brought me here...” ('The Luckiest' by Ben Folds). Is “here” a good place to be? Do you enjoy being where you are right now?

I don't.

My wrong turns, stumbles and falls brought me to C.2.12, Johnston Halls, College Bounds, Aberdeen AB24 3TT and in doing so brought me to R***. I loved that fact. If school hadn't gone so pear-shaped at the end and if my GAP Year hadn't been cut short I may be in a completely different university and studying a completely different course. But no, I'm here at Aberdeen studying Divinity and I met the greatest guy I ever knew.

We understood each other completely in the beginning; we were emotionally the same person. We've had some of the same hurts and we've had some very different experiences too. Yet we knew when each other was down and we were learning how to cheer each other up. We could talk to each other about anything. Anything. I don't believe in soul mates, but our ever-growing relationship was convincing me more and more each day. I knew he was going to be the person I would share my life with.

Then I made a decision. It was one of those small life-changing decisions and I thought it would change my life for the better. I thought it would change our lives for the better.

Then it went horribly wrong and I don't know if I'm ready to share it with the world yet.
I know that it was my fault, but I also know that had things been different it probably still would have happened. That hurts but it's not what hurts the most. The thing that hurts the most is knowing that I don't get to be the one to carry his burdens anymore. I became a burden and the only thing I can do to make it up in any way is to completely leave him alone, even if we end up at the same gathering at some point in the near or far future. I never thought I would look back so quickly on us laughing and cry; I never thought he would make me cry. I never thought I could do this to him.

How do I know it was me? I've read my diary. I've read his old blog posts. It's all over them, every single one. All I ever did was pick fights with him over nothing. I complained that he never showed me he loved me, when in reality it was I who didn't show him. He did nothing but show me. I threw away everything I ever wanted. I got what I wanted and I let it slip through my fingers. I didn't do anything to keep it. I let go of it, but he held on and in so doing I held on too. The more I held on, the worse it got. We took a break and he was convinced that it wasn't a break to try to prevent an inevitable breakup, but a week later we weren't together anymore. How did I throw away something so beautiful?

The only thing that makes it hurt any less is telling myself that we both threw it away.
But then I'd be lying."

We all think that it's out fault when life goes wrong, when in reality it takes two to break up a relationship. It wasn't my fault. I don't blame him. It was too intense because we were almost living together (in uni) before we were anywhere near ready. I missed him so much when he wasn't there because he was always there in the beginning. I hate this.

(I don't yet know how long it'll be lol)

I will write that book, only he won't get it as a gift from me.

I need help deciding how to do it. Would everybody like me to write the story in brief and put it on here first, then each chapter? Or do you think that would spoil the story?

I'm really sorry for being absent for so long, that in itself is a very lond story. I will endeavour to be back, but probably won't for a few months due to me going home to an internet connection that is the slowest on the planet. I will try though!

The sun is out, I may just pop off to the beach.

I'm not writing that book. It was meant to be a story for my boyfriend for either his birthday in september or for next valentines day.

He broke up with me february 13th
We got back together february 15th
He broke up with me March 13th
We got back together March 14th
He broke up with me March 17th or 18th, I stopped keeping track at this point

He said he needed a few weeks to think about it.
I gave him until today.
He said no, even though he led me to believe that there was hope.

He's pathetic.

Oh dear. I promised more stuff up here since I'm at uni with a wonderfully faster internet connection and my very own laptop. But alas, life got in the way. There's always SOMETHING stopping me; there's always SOME excuse. I've got little drafts of things but nothing worthy of here and I can't be bothered editing. That's what uni has done to me. Not to mention I have 3 blogs on the go (one on a specific topic, one private one for me and my thoughts and one general public one) and lots of other stuff.

On a better note, research for my book is nearly complete, I start writing in the summer
Well, "book" mught be pushing it. But "short story" is too short for all I want to put into it. It's kinda in between.

Ok, off to read and look at deviations